Convincing a parent that they need free in home care

Attorney Tom Olsen: Robert, we were talking about people getting free in-home care for seniors, and I brought that up to a client last week because I could tell that she was getting overwhelmed being the sole provider, taking care of her parents, they're still in their home, they want to be there, they're in their 90s, so she spends a lot of time over there taking care of them. I go, well, here's a program, free in-home care for seniors up to 30 hours a week. Her response right away was, no, they won't have anything to do with that. They don't want anybody in their house, and I'm sure that's got to be common.

Attorney Robert Hidock: I hear that all the time, but it's one of those things where you can't have it both ways, and it goes hand-in-hand. For the senior, they don't want to give up their freedom, and they don't want to give up what they have, so to speak, they want that independence. They're relying on that one caregiver to do everything, not realizing that caregiver is running out of gas, hard enough with their own life, taking care of two parents, and that 30 hours of care is really meant to give that caregiver a break so they can recharge their own batteries and help take care of their parents maybe later that day or whatever.

The program is just wonderful. It just takes a little bit of time to get going, so I always tell people, unlike a nursing home, you can't wait until when you're on fire to get the service. With skilled nursing, Tom, you know that there's always a bed somewhere, and you get that service that month. With the waiver, you have to go through an interview process. You get called off of the wait list. Then you can apply for Medicaid, but here's what most people don't realize, Tom. You don't get the benefits until the application is actually approved, so you really have to strategically plan out how far in advance you are to apply for the waiver, because if you need it, you're not going to get it right away.

Tom: When we're talking about free in-home care for seniors, that is the waiver program, and the waiver is the client saying, hey, I waived the right to go to a nursing home. Instead, just send somebody to my home for up to 30 hours a week and help take care of me.

Robert: That's exactly what it is.

Tom: It's a win-win.

Robert: It is, and how it started was the Florida government approaches the federal government, because the federal government gives Florida a lump sum of money for Medicaid, and so Florida is asking, can we do something else with that money, like home health care, because it's less expensive than paying $12,000 a month to a skilled nursing facility, and it actually even stretches the state's dollar. It's a win-win. It's a win for the state. It's a win for the family, and it really is, we're very lucky to have it. A lot of states don't have it.

Tom: I know that we work with Amy O'Rourke at the Cameron and Associates. Do I recall that she is sometimes willing to talk to parents and say, "Look, this is what you need? Your daughter is getting too tired of doing this all day, every day. She needs help. She needs a break." Help to convince them to accept or send home care?

Robert: Because she used to be a care manager, so she is very good at ascertaining what the family needs, and Amy, she's not one to hold back on that opinion. She's just going to let it rip, but she's always doing it in the best interest of the senior and their kids, so everybody's more in harmony together.

Tom: Amy wrote a book called The Fragile Years, and you can get that book, The Fragile Years, by looking on Amazon, and they can mail it to you, but if you have some elderly parents and you're wondering what is the process, what do I expect, what are other people going through, reading this book, The Fragile Years, would be a great resource for you.

Robert: Yes, it really takes you through the different steps of aging, and it really has helped me with taking care of my own mom, because a lot of times, Tom, everybody's in a hurry, and you're not patient, and I'll say, I'll do this for you, I'll do that for you, so it'll get done quicker, but really, I'm taking something away from my mom that she wants to try and do herself, so you have to really find that balance of taking care of someone and helping them, but not taking away all of their freedom, so to speak.